Bullying certainly hit the headlines after Columbine in April 1999, but it has now taken on greater urgency in light of a recent spate of children taking their own lives, literally bullied to death. Even President Obama has made it one of his priorities.

As he has advised, “We need to dispel the myth that bullying is just a normal rite of passage, that it’s an inevitable part of growing up. It’s not. We have an obligation to ensure our schools are safe for everyone.” our children. And for all young people, know that if you’re in trouble, there are caring adults who can help you.”

To that end, October was named National Bullying Prevention Awareness Month, with November promoted as Anti-Bullying Month, Anti-Bullying Week 15-19, and the first named National Anti-Bullying Day.

All very noble, but elevated labels alone, while attracting a certain amount of attention, do not necessarily affect change. Instead, every day of the year, we all need to come together and stop attributing all this meanness to just kids being kids.

Very recently in Montgomery County, Pennsylvania, another child died by his own hand: 17-year-old Jesse Buchsbaum hanged himself at home and his parents believe bullying contributed to his death.

That’s why school districts across the country are so committed to reducing bullying, establishing a student code of conduct, providing parental outreach programs, and embracing programs like Olweus and Roots of Empathy. , or ROE, which shows even more promise in stopping what some call an epidemic of abuse.

However, at the heart of school-wide efforts is creating a climate in which students can trust their teachers, counselors, and administrators, knowing that their concerns will be taken seriously and promptly addressed.

Take, for example, Pottstown High School’s “Restorative Practices,” which is building a supportive culture when kids are faced with bullying. And, when initial efforts to stop the problem prove inadequate, as director Stephen Rodriguez puts it, “the district becomes difficult.”

So should we all.

A recent Josephson Institute of Ethics survey of 43,321 teens, ages 15 to 18, from 78 public and 22 private schools, found that 50% said they had been “harassed, teased, or made fun of in a way that seriously bothered me at least one time”. “

Meanwhile, in the last 12 months…

• 52% said they would hit someone in anger;

• 37% of boys and 19% of girls said it is okay to hit or threaten someone who makes them angry.

And, as if that weren’t enough, coupled with the fact that obese children are bullied more than anyone else, a US Department of Justice survey found that:

• 25% of children are bullied.

• 14% of those who had been bullied experienced severe/bad reactions.

• 20% admitted being a harasser or doing some type of harassment.

• 43% fear being harassed in the school bathroom.

• 8% said they miss one day of school each month for fear of bullying.

Even more disturbing is that patterns of bullying behavior are established by age six.

All of this, of course, suggests that, along with sticks and stones, words do hurt, and that means it’s even more imperative that we parents be proactive.

Start by asking your child’s doctor to discuss bullying during checkups. Also, since this is not the time to adhere to an unwritten code of silence, be sure to remind your child to confide in a trusted adult, you or someone else, whenever he is bullied.

Always be alert, too, for behavior that suggests bullying might be involved, such as if your child:

1) Getting moody, withdrawn or stressed.

2) Complaints of stomach aches and/or nightmares.

3) Shows signs of physical abuse, including tattooed clothing and unexplained bruises.

4) Experiences to lower grade.

5) Expresses contempt for others and engages in much gossip.

Bottom line: listen well to your child, pay close attention, and provide strong support, communicating openly and serving as a guide without interfering unnecessarily in their life. And of course, monitor your own behavior as well, as research tells us that the typical bully comes from a family in conflict.