I joined a wedding planning website’s discussion group earlier this week. The first post on the list asked if anyone had any tips for dealing with the stress of a wedding. Good complaint! Granted, you could probably be a little more understanding, but really, the difficult decision has already been made. Committing to spending your life with someone, making a home and a life together, and maybe raising a family, that’s the most important thing! The wedding is just a party.

Okay, so it’s a big party, maybe complicated and expensive. Maybe the biggest you’ll ever throw, but let’s keep things in perspective.

The first order of business is for the future couple to visualize what they want. What is important? Do you have any specific intentions for your wedding day, apart from enjoying yours? Once you’ve set your intention for the day, you’ll have a guiding star to return to if there are times when things get tough. And let well-intentioned, but perhaps overzealous family members know what that intention is. There may be times when you also need a gentle but firm reminder of your intention. I am sure that they only intend to support you on this important day. If it sometimes seems like you’re getting too involved in the process, be aware that you may also be feeling stressed. Acknowledge them, but calmly remind them that it is your special day.

So, do your research. Get a realistic idea of ​​what a wedding will cost before you start shopping around. Ask others who have already done it what to expect. Decide what your non-negotiables are? Where are you open to alternative input and suggestions, and where can you engage? With a framework in place, you can prepare a budget and then shop around for your best deals.

Having said that, I feel compelled to add that wedding professionals have spent years gaining experience in their area, and no doubt continually spend money, effort, and time to keep their skills honed and their style up to date. No one wants to feel like they’ve been cheated and tempered to death. If your professional has been subjected to this, they may feel some kind of resentment, consciously or unconsciously. No one needs this stalking on their wedding day.

Trust the help of your professionals. Wedding planners, caterers, florists, DJs, or any other wedding professional you might hire, have done this many times before and have probably seen just about everything. It is their job to support you however they can. They wouldn’t be in business if they didn’t have a sincere desire to help you achieve your dream day with the least amount of stress on your part.

Take good care of yourself throughout the entire process. Continue your regular program of exercise and meditation or prayer. If you don’t have one, now is a good time to start. Exercise will help you look great on your wedding day, and prayer/meditation will help keep you calm. Get plenty of rest the week before your big day. Schedule a massage a couple of days before.

And finally, enjoy the process, and especially the day. Realize that it is your very special day. Your friends and family are there to celebrate you, and your job is to just enjoy it. Now, is there anything really worth stressing so much about that you miss out on?