Regarding the useless fact that “most toilets run on E-Flat”, no one should be offended. I will only ramble, ironically, through the interrelationships of concepts, words, musical notes, my musically inoperative mind, and the placement of these patterns in the different octaves through the experiential record of a failed musician.

“Most of the toilets in E-Flat,” made me curious. So much so that I had to hear it in real life; although, I consider myself deaf.

As a result, my curiosity led my husband to ask if there was a problem with the toilets in the house. “Why do you keep flushing non-stop? Is there a problem with the plumbing?”

I’m chicken. I didn’t give him a straight answer. “I don’t know,” I mumbled, “I’m trying to find out something.”

Luckily, he didn’t insist. “Let me know if there’s something between friends,” she murmured absently, clicking her true love, the TV remote.

I blushed again, thinking about the procedure thoroughly. I tried to enjoy the sound while remembering works in E flat. Beethoven’s Sonata in E flat major, the first movement dominated by three falling notes, repeating the motif with an expression of feeling throughout the sonata, but then again, that’s Beethoven. However, I did not hear Beethoven here in the bathroom flush.

“Think in chords,” I told myself. I had a piano teacher who was educated in France. He never referred to the notes as A, B, C, etc., but he called them by strange names like do, re, mi, fa, sol, la, si, which amplified my musical inability.

Speaking of playing an instrument, I keep asking, what for? Isn’t it much easier to listen to music on the CD player? If push came to push and I had been the ambitious type, then I would probably want to get in front of the real music makers, the instrumentalists, and act big, swinging a stick in the air. Who in this world doesn’t want to feel important?

Despite all my musical disabilities, I have finally learned to appreciate major chords as I am a positive person, even when it comes to playing the piano. Also, I loved the C major chord. In addition to sounding happy, playing the C major chord was easy. However, not the minor keys and E flat major.

My teacher probably would have called E flat major mee beh-mole. When the correct pattern of semitones and semitones is achieved, the E flat major scale contains three flats, B flat, E flat, and A flat. All these floors, which make me think of slums, give the scale a low tone, slightly solemn, but even more joyful than the minor strings.

Many symphonies in E flat major are loud with sad passages in between. Sibelius’ Symphony No. 5 or Haydn’s Drum Roll, even better Shostakovich. I adore any symphony that opens with gusto and energy and reaches the heart without beating around the bush. However, I don’t like loud noise as dominant, but loud enough with energy. I like short fantasies in between to break the monotony and add color. Hey, maybe I didn’t turn out to be much of a pianist, but don’t you think I’ve at least mastered the lingo?

At one point in my cistern experiments, after thinking about the symphony, I turned on the tap and tapped my fingers on the bathroom counter. No, not quite. I didn’t really hear the E flat.

At that moment, I remembered an article in my son’s archeology magazine. Unlike his mother, my son has a good ear and plays the guitar fluently. The article said that archaeologists had unearthed a prehistoric musical instrument or rather the tubes of such an instrument in Ireland. Initial experiments had shown that one of the notes generated by these tubes was E flat. “E-Flat is a common pitch for many vintage Irish horns,” the article wrote.

Yes, Irish music… after all, wasn’t Irish music aristocratic, assertive, and yet sad at times? I googled, “E-Flat Irish Music”. This had more to do with sociomusicology, if there is such a thing, or perhaps musicosociological factors, but I think I had hit on something here.

Probably, I hadn’t heard E flat due to deafness or lack of knowledge, but I could recognize the words. They were suggestive. They had a bounce and a swirl to them.

This is what I found: “Give us a minute” Traditional Irish Bagpipes Ireland Jig E flat major and

the Irish bagpipe ballad “The Water is wide” in E flat major. They took care of the water and pipes, and it takes a full minute to unload. I know, because I timed it.

In another article found on Google, he said, “It doesn’t matter what key the music is written in, but the range of the instrument does matter… Some instruments are built in E flat, such as the E flat trumpet, E flat clarinet, and saxophone in E flat”.

In my head, I added “E-Flat Dresser” to the list. Well why not? Isn’t it a fact that “most toilets run on E-Flat”?